More from the Warnerese-to-English translator

The following is a Mark Warner fundraising letter that mysteriously landed in my Inbox. As usual, the English translation is bold and italicized:

The rising cost of health care is one of the most urgent problems facing our country, but Congress is struggling to pass even the most modest legislation to deal with it.

The rising cost of health care is as bad as the transportation crisis, and since I did nothing but blame other people for it and you clods still love me, I'm guessing it will work on this one, too.

Last week, I told you how the U.S. Senate jeopardized health care coverage for countless seniors,
disabled citizens, and military families when it failed to pass bipartisan legislation preventing pay cuts to doctors who accept Medicare patients.

Last week, the U.S. Senate jeopardized health care coverage for countless seniors, disabled citizens, and military families by nearly passing legislation that would have crippled private supplemental coverage, but since all my Democratic buds voted for it, I have to spin and spin fast.

And for the past week, newspapers have been filled with stories of doctors who feel compelled to turn away patients urgently needing care because of these cuts.

Lucky for me, newspaper editors love me and my party so much they're willing to ignore all that and focus on something the bill won't really solve - much like they highlighted all the things I promised to fix in 2001 but didn't. Then again, no one seems to remember that seven years later, which will be enough to get me elected and re-elected before you rubes get wise.

Despite having the support of the vast majority of Democrats and Republicans in Congress, a small group of Senators used a procedural technique to block this important bill by a margin of just one vote.

Despite the whining of all the Democratic Senators and John Chich-whoops! Sorry, force of habit. Um, where was I?

Well, this week they have a chance to set things right. But I need your help to put the pressure on them.

Well, this week I'm looking to stay relevant and get a bunch more volunteers; but I need a hook to bring you in, and here it is.

Let's send a message that we're sick and tired of political games getting in the way of real solutions. We only need to swing one vote in order to move this bill through Congress. So please, tell the Senate to stop these draconian cuts and pass the Medicare Improvements for Patients and Providers Act. With your help, we can ensure that we fund Medicare services that so many of our seniors, disabled citizens, and military families need.

Let's send a message that the only people who can play political games are Virginia Democrats. We only need one more to force this bill through, wipe out private supplement programs, and create another crisis I can pretend to solve. With your help, I and my fellow Democrats will have
another excuse to expand government.

The legislation includes off-setting cuts to the least competitive insurance plans that are driving up health care costs.

The legislation includes cuts to the private programs that supplement Medicare for millions of Americans, but I can just say they "drive up health care costs" and no one who pays any attention to economics will notice I'm talking through my hat (and they're all Republicans anyway).

This isn't an issue of Republican vs. Democrat, right vs. left, or red vs. blue. More than 350 members of the House of Representatives came together across party lines in support of this pragmatic, common-sense effort to provide needed health care. Now I ask you, the people of Virginia, to do the same.

Over 100 House Republicans voted for this after being told that the Senate would improve the bill. Fooling Republican legislators like this is my stock and trade, so you can see I'll fit right in so long as you're willing to be just as naive as they are.

Please sign the petition. Then ask your friends and family to do the same.

Please sign the petition; ask your friends and family to do the same; and remember that you did when you wonder why all my flyers and fundraising letters made your mailbox explode.

That's all - for now. :)